come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
