dude i'm inner monologue high
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
