Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
