I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize