I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize