I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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