So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize