Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
