We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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