i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You've changed since you got that strap on
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
