you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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