I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
