I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
