those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Never joke about your clitoris.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
the raccoons are back...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
