On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I am one with the molecules
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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