so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
