it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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