My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
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