Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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