The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
