I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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