My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
