hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
