He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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