He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
