I look better un-naked...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
