She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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