apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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