do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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