Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I don't deserve a penis
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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