at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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