I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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