Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Randomize
