i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
