if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
This house was built for laser tag.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
