we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Randomize
