dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Found your dick twin last night
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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