your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I am spending my child support on dildos
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
