I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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