If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You brought string cheese to the strip club
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
