Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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