laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I wish there were birth control emojis
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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