I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
