I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
