is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
