this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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