I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
