So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
