God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
