Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
