my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
