No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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