just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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