you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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