Nicole vs. Life
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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