Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
