Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
