I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
