I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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