where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I love how my cats smell like pot.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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