Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
do herpes really smell.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I believe in your delicious
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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