I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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