Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
