Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
