I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize