Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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