She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
