i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
