foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
