Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
