Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Randomize
