Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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